Tony Heller Sets Arctic Shark Jump World Record!

This is a photograph of a Greenland shark:

(c) Eric Ste Marie

You will no doubt be astonished to learn that shark jumping supremo Tony Heller has just jumped over the entire East Greenland population of this long lived but officially vulnerable species. Without harming a single one!

Over on XTwitter “Steve”/Tony was recently shown this video which graphically reveals the declining age of the sea ice in the Arctic Ocean:

He responded as follows:

According to the “summary for skeptics” of the IPCC Special Report on the Ocean and Cryosphere in a Changing Climate:

Winds associated with the climatological Arctic sea level pressure pattern drive the Beaufort Gyre and the Transpolar Drift Stream, which retains sea ice within the central Arctic Basin, and exports sea ice out of the Fram Strait, respectively. There is high confidence that sea ice drift speeds have increased since 1979, both within the Arctic Basin and through Fram Strait, attributed to thinner ice and changes in wind forcing. Fram Strait sea ice area export estimates range between 600,000 to 1 million km² of ice annually, which represents approximately 10% of the ice within the Arctic Basin

However according to Tony Heller the total “amount” of sea ice in the Arctic is “a largely meaningless metric”. Tony 1 – IPCC 0.

Earlier today one of his flock of faithful followers spotted the time travelling USS Skate (SSN -578) casting a mysterious shadow on the sea ice 65 years to the day after surfacing in an alleged giant polynya at the North Pole:

Hence for Tony’s next astounding acrobatic accomplishment he has boldly undertaken to walk a tightrope from the mightiest of the Great White Con Ivory Towers, here on the shores of Santa’s secret summer swimming pool, to the tip of USS Skate’s tallest communications antenna.


“Snow White” felt compelled to applaud Mr. Heller’s bravery in the face of (almost) overwhelming odds as follows:

Watch this space!

7 thoughts on “Tony Heller Sets Arctic Shark Jump World Record!

  1. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen the photo of Skate at Station Alpha being presented as being the North Pole! Also Heller doesn’t seem to realize that that video shows 4+ yo ice transitioning from about 50 % of the total down to the current <5%.

    1. Hi Phil,

      I think you’ll find that the ones from Station Alpha include a lot more open water:

      I suspect the one above was snapped at a lower latitude during Skate’s 1959 voyage.

      I also think you’ll find that Mr. Heller is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

  2. This is the type of fake science documentary we have to deal with on youtube. People eat this b.s. up!

    [Link to off topic video erroneously entitled “Climate: The Movie” redacted – Mod]

    Maybe you can post some rebuff to it?

    1. Here’s some prescient YouTube prebunking of “The Cold Truth” from the Ocean Red Rebel Brigade:

      For some strange reason “Climate: The Movie” chose the Red Rebels for it’s thumbnail rather than one of it’s bullshitting heads. For some other strange reason it also doesn’t mention Arctic sea ice, so “Snow White’s” immediate response to Tom Nelson’s announcement looked like this:

      Skeptical Science played a swift game of climate denial bingo:

      Will that do for starters?

  3. I’m confused, Jim. Are you suggesting that the Skate did not surface at the North Pole in the peak of winter ice (March, 1959)? Or that this is just the wrong picture depicting that feat?

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